The traditional approach of going to Court first before resolving issues, polarises attitudes quickly, and forces couples to highlight their differences. The emotional costs of this approach are enormous - and not only for the couples concerned.

The effect on children and wider family members can be equally serious and long lasting. No wonder many couples whose relationships have broken down prefer Collaborative Family Law, which is a more conciliatory way of settling their differences.

Angeli Dunkerley says:”This is not mediation by another name. Using our knowledge of the law and creative problem-solving abilities, we help to shape agreements and support couples through the process so that no one feels disadvantaged or unable to cope.

Peter Berry says: “Some may shy away from the prospect of meeting face to face, particularly if there have been disagreements which have soured their relationship. Nerves and emotions may run high initially, which is entirely natural.

“However, with support, these feelings do not last. We can help couples to see ways in which they can actually work together and plan decisions about their new lives apart.”

Couples who can talk together, are more likely to respect each other’s views and achieve long lasting agreements. In being able to set their own agendas, under the collaborative approach, couples can prioritise the issues that are important to them which may be very different from what a judge might have in mind. After all, the best people to know what is right for them, is the couple concerned.

- I’m glad we chose this process. I can look ahead and sleep at night, knowing that we were fair to each other

- I was pleased that we were able to negotiate what we felt was fair to both of us

- I’m really glad we chose this process. For our family and for each other, it allowed us to have a sustainable friendship and understanding after our separation

- I actually found the self confidence to stand up for myself and express my own needs

So why did Angeli Dunkerley and Peter Berry decide to take specialist training to become Collaborative Lawyers?

Peter and Angeli agreed : “ Collaborative Lawyers are trained to have a completely different state of mind about what their role is. Traditionally, lawyers are trained with the objective of get the best result for their client alone, come what may. “Where families are concerned however, much more is at stake then the immediate consequence of getting the ‘best’ or ‘biggest’ settlement. The personal and emotional costs together with wider family implications can be just as, if not more important, than getting the ‘best’ deal.

“The potential hurt and damage which might be caused by litigation, can last for many years after separation. Separation or divorce does not need to be a battleground contest.

“Our experience to date shows us that many people really want to resolve issues respectfully and in a non-confrontational way. Protecting their children from emotional harm, or the worry of their parent’s separation, is a high priority.

“The way couples choose to communicate their feelings and wishes, between themselves and their immediate family, is of vital importance. Love may be lost, and you may not ‘agree’ everything, but one thing is clear, if parents can retain a positive, respectfully relationship, their children are more likely to grow up happier, and more secure as a result.”

Angeli Dunkerley can be contacted at BLB solicitors on 01793 615011 and Peter Berry can be contacted at Charles Lucas & Marshall solicitors on 01793 511055. or peter.berry@clmsolicitors.co.uk